Interview by Laura Tobón
Your story mixes humor with painful childhood memories. How did you decide when to use comedy and exaggeration, and when to shift into emotional vulnerability?
I think I used humor to “soften” the situations I was describing because my redneck cousins were so horrible to me and back then I just couldn’t comprehend how you could treat members of your own family like that. Now that I’m older, I know it really didn’t have anything to do with me, it was just a projection of their own unhappy miserable lives. The truly sad thing is, from what I can tell, my cousins haven’t changed that much unfortunately. They’re still stuck in the same place they were when we were little. I definitely have grown and evolved as a person, I’m nowhere near that awkward naive little girl I used to be and I know how to stand up for myself. I don’t believe in ‘turning the other cheek’ now, because I honestly think that just invites more abuse. You need to stand up for yourself and not allow people to treat you badly. I know my cousins have grown up and matured now, they all have their own lives and families. I don’t wish them any ill will though, they had a really tough childhood and were forced to grow up beyond their abilities as very young children, and that certainly takes a toll on you. It can really warp you, if you let it. And when I was younger I vowed to myself not to let the bad things that happened to me turn me into a bad and horrible person. You have to be very aware of yourself and be your own person. And I think part of that introspection I have now is how I’m able to inject humor into uncomfortable situations where no one is happy. Regardless, I stand by what I said about Cadbury Eggs… they really are that disgusting!
Grandma Doris becomes a source of safety and protection in the narrative. Was she always the emotional center of the story when you began writing, or did her role grow as you developed the piece?
A bit of both. I have been thinking about her a lot lately. She died over 20 years ago and I didn’t really have the chance to get to know her when I was an adult and find out about her life from her perspective. Almost all of what I know about her is from my viewpoint and memories of her as a child and what my mother has told me about her in the years since she passed. She was always a protector and source of comfort for me when I was little but my grandfather Ray was the head of the family so Grandma Doris kind of got pushed to the side. I don’t think he saw them as equal partners, he saw himself as the center of the family and she was secondary, though I really do hope and pray I am completely wrong about that, for both their sakes. So this story is me putting her first and making her the focal point of the whole story from my young perspective. I don’t know a lot about her from when she was a young woman. I always knew her as Grandma, always sweet, kind and taking care of everyone else. She always put herself last to be able to take care of her husband and all her children. My mom is one of six, so it was a big household and she was always busy with taking care of the kids and helping my grandfather with his business. I think it was part of her generation and upbringing that mothers were expected to put others’ needs ahead of her own, and that makes me unbelievably sad for her. I really hate that kind of generational matriarchal gulit, it’s so unnecessary. Like that is what you’re “supposed to do” if you want to be a “good mother”? That’s total bullshit. I remember her always going out of her way for everyone else, but it seemed that no one went out of their way for her. Maybe this story is me trying to do that for her memory. She deserved so much more than what she was given. But I always felt so safe with her and she never yelled or got angry with me. Her hugs were EPIC, so comforting and full of love. I really felt ‘held’ and safe. She was wonderful like that and I cherish those memories.
The narration uses a child’s perspective but with an adult voice reflecting back on those experiences. What challenges did you face balancing innocence, sarcasm, and mature reflection in the storytelling?
Everything was taken from my real memories with a few creative elements added in for the storyline. Looking back on that time now I can still remember what it was like for me as a child even though I’m an adult now. I have the awareness and objectivity now as a grown up that I wasn’t able to have back then as a seven year old. Some of those memories are crystal clear and others are fuzzy and distorted from time. I don’t really see it as a “challenge” but rather a way to tell a story and present a reflection from my life. I wanted to recognize how amazing my grandmother was and how she made everyone’s lives better. I remember when I was pretty young, I gave my grandmother a little Grover toy from my Sesame Street playset and she kept it in the windowsill of the kitchen by the sink near her plants for over 20 years. It was a really big deal to me to give her my little Grover because he was my absolute favorite character, and I wanted Grandma to have it because I loved her so much. She told me she always thinks of me when she looks at it and prays for good things to happen to me. Thanks to my mom, I was able to get it back after my grandmother died and it’s one of my most prized possessions because of my memories of her attached to it. I think that is part of what helps my perspective for this story, it’s burned into my brain with love and admiration for her. I hope she is proud of me and would love this story I wrote about her. In my mind, I’m still holding her hand and telling her funny stories. I hope that will always be with me, since she has a permanent place in my heart.
Read Annalee Hardison’s piece “Easter in Ohio” here.
Annalee Hardison is a Creative Writing major currently attending LaGuardia. She plans to become a professional author. She has loved writing since winning first place in a short story contest in elementary school when she was in 2nd grade for writing and illustrating a story about “Lulu The Magical Flying Turkey.” It was a nonfiction masterpiece about a re-imagined first Thanksgiving in which no animals were harmed or eaten, and no humans were killed prior to the egregiously racist and whitewashed story of Thanksgiving we know today.
