by Laura Tobon
I wish, with my eyes closed, that you would brush my hair with a comb that doesn’t pull it. I must say goodbye, my beloved New York! Thank you for turning me into a woman. I must say farewell while my heart agonizes and our most beautiful memories burn to ashes with the heat of my mental fever. Please let me go, for my loneliness hurts me. Let me go, for between your buildings I find no protection. Let me go, for I am naked and crying. Let me go, for I need a transfusion of love and among your apples, it is too costly. My pennies are not enough to pay for it. I must promise myself something: I will think of you all my life; I cannot love twice, for loving so intensely would lead me to death. My dearest kept my apartment on Steinway St, my bed, my bike, and my job. I will depart with my head held high and leave you my triumph. Do you remember when I arrived with nothing in my hands? Your streets sheltered me, and you cared for my dreams. I will leave you the story of a young immigrant who came with a thirst for success, achieved the American Dream, and left. I’m sorry, my beloved, but I must go; my mind has become ill, and I can no longer distinguish whether I dream asleep or awake. Release me, do not harm me anymore. Inside of you, the sun no longer rises; dollars have begun to dawn, so much cash has damaged and corrupted the hearts and minds that once savored innocence. Unbind me, do not hold me back any longer, do not insist. I want to take with me our best memories; I want to be able to speak of you like a blinded lover. It would be a shame if my short biography ended up as an obituary in your hands. It would be a pity to stain you like that. Allow me to leave with the most beautiful of your chaos. I promise you that when I return, I will bring flowers for your rats.
Born and raised in Medellín, Colombia, Laura Tobón carries the rhythm, resilience, and color of her roots in everything she writes. She currently lives in New York City, where she is building the life of her dreams: writing, studying, and shaping her voice as an emerging bilingual writer, flowing towards becoming the most authentic writer she can be. For her, writing is a way of breathing; it’s survival, healing, and purpose. Her work explores the emotion captured in her perception of life, where every word is born with the purpose of leaving beautiful scars on those who read it.
Photograph by Mahdi Tanim
